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EXCLUSIVE: Council's audacious plan for triple-decker dining pods in Lords Place

April 1, 2023

The triple-decker dining pods as they may look.

By Staff Writer


A fearless Orange City Council has waved away small town complaints about the controversial dining pods on Lords Place, and will use a new state government grant to make the pods three levels.


Well-positioned connections have told The Orange News Examiner that the audacious plan will be put to councillors on Tuesday night.




Research has shown that - based on 1976 traffic data - Lords Place will be able to easily handle the architecturally pleasing, multi-storey dining "pod-precincts".


The $2 million grant - part of the new Labor state government's Commitment To Places Not In Sydney Roadmap Funding Program For The Bush & Beyond - will see council flush with cold hard cash.



The only catch is that the money needs to be spent by the end of April, meaning that within seconds of councillors approving the courageous operation on Tuesday night, scores of workers will descend on the scene with bollards, stairs and traffic cones.


The single level dining pods were going to be increased to two levels, but then someone said: "Let's go three."

[It is believed the workers will be waiting in Robertson Park on time-and-a-half, and that council staff will flash the lights across the road in the chamber when the vote passes.]




A source close to the matter told The Orange News Examiner that shop owners on the Lords Place strip should and would welcome more disruption, as it was good for building resilience.

The street level dining pod looked too sparse, according to sources.

"The three-level pods will make them wealthier beyond their wildest dreams," they said. "Emotionally, spiritually and possibly financially. Can you imagine having a humming triple-decker out of the front of your place? Don't forget secure railings!"


The steel ground level pods are actually surplus stock from a business that makes dance floors for robots.

The same sturdy matter will be used for the second and third levels. These robot dance floors will be held up by columns.


There will be potted plants and hanging plants and so forth.





Three-storey outdoor gas heaters and snow swatting machines will keep everybody nicely dry and toasty from April to October, although it is expected that the warming of the planet will assist in generating more "sun hours per year", when the heaters and snow swatters would not be required.

















HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!


Each year we like to have a little fun on April 1st and run one silly story. No triple-decker dining pods are planned for Orange. That we know of.


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