crossorigin="anonymous"> crossorigin="anonymous">
top of page

Near-News: Orange Hipster Poses As Bitcoin Billionaire To Woo The Ladies, Scheme Backfires Badly

Matt Erkle before he realised the error of his ways.


By Cran Cramston

Orange area hipster Matt Erkle has been posing as a Bitcoin billionaire in order to woo the ladies, we can reveal.

Erkle has been posting on social describing himself as a "cool hipster and a Bitcoin billionaire looking for love".

He says he is looking for a woman with "straight hair, an orange glow, and artificially oversized lips".

Erkle's date.

An exhaustive investigation by our cryptocurrency wing can reveal that Erkle, 24, is actually an accountancy student with a vast collection of Star Wars toys who lives with his parents somewhere near Cudal.

When confronted, Erkle conceded he was not actually a Bitcoin billionaire, and that his scheme had gone awry when a woman with straight hair, an orange glow, and artificially oversized lips, left her bikie boyfriend in order to play with Erkle.

Erkle had promised the woman a life of yachts, diamonds, plastic surgery and personalised meals, however she became suspicious when their first date was held at Hungry Jack's.

Erkle Burger Shemozzle. Supplied.

"I told her the venue was ironic," he said. "She didn't buy it."

Then a man on a bike came calling.

More to come ...

bottom of page